my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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