He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
