her vagine was all disorganized.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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