My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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