that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
