we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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