Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
