hotel room ftw
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
