idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
