So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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