My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
