I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
