If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
