He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
