The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
