no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
