So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
