I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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