Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
