I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
