someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
