oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
