I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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