I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
