i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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