dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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