do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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