Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
