so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
