I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
