By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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