Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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