If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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