Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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