Im at strip club and am horny
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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