Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
