just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
