Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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