I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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