So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
