Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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