3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
