Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
