Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
