Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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