trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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