I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
