I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We need a shit load of segways right now
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
