who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
