I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
