That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
