So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
