That reminds me...we need to get swords
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
