Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
