he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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