So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
